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I'm about to start a new chapter in my life: I'm moving back to San Diego, I'm transferring schools, and I'm turning 20. I'm officially going to be an adult. I'm taking more steps to be completely on my own- I'm renting my own apartment with one of my best friends, I'm getting a California drivers licence, I'm registering my car in California, and I'm paying for school out of my pocket (well, I was before, but now I'm paying for it sans loans).

In the past year, I've learned alot of lessons. I moved out of my house two days after I graduated, and packed up all my stuff to move 1200 miles to live my own life; the life that I wanted to live. I nannied for two really great kids in Rancho Penasquitos, and suffered through an entire summer without a paying job. I learned lessons about families and raising children, and even made some decisions of how I'd like to raise the children that I'll have one day. I learned how to save my money, and to not spend spend spend. In the fall I started my first year of college. I learned how to survive on my own, I lost the financial lessons I had learned over the summer, and I gained knowledge of California, of friendships, of relationships, and ate up everything on the music scene. I basically threw away an entire year of school, each quarter slipping more then the one prior. I spent too much money, and I spent it much too frivolously. I chose a boy and a paycheck over my family for Christmas, and had it stuck to me in the end. I suffered, I cried, I hurt, I struggled, I lost myself.. but in the end, I lost a burden, I found happiness, and I found myself.

A few conversations I had throughout the day caused me to sit down and think to myself. I'm almost 20; I'm an adult, and I'm on my own. This is real life, this is it. It's not a movie, it's not a story. You only have one shot.. and you better not waste it. I could chose to be as frivolous as I have in the past year, not learning from my mistakes, and basically being a natural disaster to my own path in life. Or I could chose to live, and to grow up, and to accept the responsibility that has been bestowed upon me.

I could choose to be bitter and unhappy for the rest of my life, and to curse everyone who has hurt me in the past.. but in doing so, I'd only be bringing myself down, and continuing the hurt that I've already previously experienced. I could also choose to forgive and forget, and get over it and on with my life, and learn from the experience, and become a better person because of it. Hurting myself isn't going to bring me what I want in life; it will only leave me hung up on what was hurting me in the first place.

I've already wasted one year of school.. which is $20,000 in lessons that I should learn from before it's too late. I received notice a few days ago that my GPA is too low to qualify for financial aid at Cal Poly. I don't want to pay for school any more with loans that will bite me in the ass as soon as I graduate.. and without assistance, I'd have to take out more loans. I'm starting school at Southwestern in Chula Vista at the end of August, and you can't beat $26 a unit. I've gotten rid of the baggage that brought me down and caused me to fail my first year, and I'm ready to buck up and actually study. I'm only screwing myself over when I'm barely passing classes, and if I'd like a career I have no choice but to pass my classes and get my degree. I'm fortunate to have this second chance to raise my GPA and basically be guaranteed to transfer into SDSU or UCSD in the next year.. and it's something I'm not going to take for granted.

I'm really excited to be moving down to IB and to be sharing an apartment with one of my best friends. She's responsible, and I'm hoping that she'll rub off on me. Plus, it's going to be tons of fun. It's the ultimate in growing up- finally having a place of my own, with my name on the lease, that's full of my stuff.

All in all, it's time to grow up. 20 is a magic age. All I have to depend on is myself, and I'm the only one to blame for my own actions. Living randomly from day to day is great, interesting, fun and all that, but in the end.. it's not practical. Life isn't a movie, and things won't work out for you just because it would make a great storyline. I've learned enough lessons in my 19.89 years to be a strong, unstoppable woman. For the first time, maybe I should learn from those lessons. It's time to take care of myself and my future, it's time to heal, and it's time to finally allow myself to be happy. After all, I owe it to myself.

Warped Tour 2006

I went to two.. so far. The 6th in San Diego, the 7th in Pomona.. the 12th in LA. Here's a few pictures from San Diego: 

Rich, Krystal, and I

My new favorite: Hellogoodbye. They had dancing bananas, carrots, pizza, beer, tequila, and cheeseburgers onstage.

Chyep, that's totally Forrest Kline from HGB 

Special ONLY in San Diego- Jack's Mannequin. This was the acoustic performance.

Rich and Art

Sherwood:

This was my third time seeing them. We're friends. I was standing front and center, so close I almost got smacked in the face by a guitar. Awesome.

We got to chill with Sherwood on their signing carpet. If we're not badasses just for this, then I don't know what to tell you.

I made out with so much free shit, it was like Halloween. The best things, though, was a shirt signed by Sherwood, a shirt and poster signed by Plain White Tee's, signed shirt by 4est from HGB, MySpace shoelaces, and a free pair of Vans. Chye-ah!

Oh, for more info, watch Rich's video:

Sherwood- Lake Tahoe (for my Father)

Pick-chas:

my luchador pirate =]

This is what summer is all about.

The boys: Cory, Brent, Brian and Eric

Badasses²

Hellogoodbye- Here in Your Arms

my last week has been  a m a z i n g.

=]

I met a boy.

The funny thing is, I met him in Tijuana. You're not supposed to meet guys like this in places like Tijuana. His name is Eric. He's cute, really cute. He's really sweet, and we can talk for hours. He skates, and likes photography, he's into people watching and psychology, he loves exploring and trying new things, he wears slips. He's got two tattoos (one new), and new snakebites.. that I'm not really helping aid in the healing process.

He likes me as much as I like him.

And it's really cool. Really different, but really nice. He loves spending time with me, as do I with him. I met him last Friday in a club in TJ. We were both drunk, I was with Krystal, he was with his friends. Krystal and I immediatly noticed them because 1) they were white, and 2) they all (except Eric at the time) had lip rings. I danced with Eric for the rest of the night, and gave him my number (I'm a coherent drunk). Two days after, I got a text message from him. We stayed up until 5 in the morning that night talking. I went on a date with him Tuesday morning at 4. He convinced me to drive down to his friend's place in Leucadia at midnight on Wednesday, and took me down to the beach, I've always wanted something simple like that. Then I convinced him to come back with me, and he stayed in Pomona with me until yesterday afternoon, when we drove back to San Diego. I spent the afternoon with him in Leucadia, and then left to go to the Del Mar fair with Krystal, and met up with him and his friends last night at the club that we first met at. We all crashed at Krystal's last night.

Tonight, we're all going to Rosarito. I'm so excited.

My past couple weeks have been so great. I'm turning my life around, and for the first time in a really long time, I'm really happy. I'm starting to feel real again.

This is the epitome of everything you see in the movies.

I love this feeling.

The Spill Canvas- Saved

You know what they say about keeping your friends close?

Yeah, well, they're wrong. Stupid idea.

Unless of course you're friends with Krystal, and you're both drunk in Tijuana dancing in an emo boy orgy.

Then you keep them extra close.

=]

Angels and Airwaves- The Adventure

Today I went on my first date -ever- with a boy who has a Death Cab ringback tone (the first one I've ever heard) and calls me Miss Whitney

it was cute =]

and I'm gonna go out with him again =]

In completely unrelated news, the forcast calls for douchebags.

People seriously need to knock that shit off.

Cuz I'm over it.

Number One Gun- Golden Smile

(these lyrics are awesome.)

sunshinensurf2: i was out by the pool tanning today, just for a little, when my phone rang
sunshinensurf2: and you know how when you're talking on the phone, you stare off at random things
sunshinensurf2: i was looking at the fence around the pool, and then the edge of the cement
impyMonk: Uh-huh?
sunshinensurf2: and there's this fucking.. snake there
sunshinensurf2: chillin
sunshinensurf2: killin
sunshinensurf2: literally
sunshinensurf2: because theres this lizard hanging out of it's mouth
impyMonk: Awesome
sunshinensurf2: he's got it by the head
sunshinensurf2: and then he's like, fuck this scene
impyMonk: HAHAHA
sunshinensurf2: and slithers off
impyMonk: bad-ass
sunshinensurf2: and must have been like, atleast 2 feet long
sunshinensurf2: but really little around
impyMonk: Snakes kick ass
impyMonk: We must raise him
impyMonk: to be big enough to carry a boombox
sunshinensurf2: ahahahahaha
sunshinensurf2: yes
sunshinensurf2: and wear rollerskates

(refrence link)

im not going to make it through this summer.

and i'm not sure if i need a neon light or what to get that through to everyone.